April 1, 2004 - SLC, Utah

I don't write about local shows ever, mainly because they all blend together as one long show, but this is a story I felt needed to be told.

Some dude named Danny emailed us and asked if we'd play an animal rights benefit show. Seeing as how we're a vegan band, we felt it would be the right thing to do. He tells us that it will be on April 1st, which is April Fools Day. Now, I love April Fools Day, and am all about jokes. I took this as an opportunity to play a joke on everyone. I talk the dudes into posting on our website that Bill has had a run in with the law and is under investigation as a terrorist threat. Sounds ridiculous, but in SLC it sounds about right. Anyway, we post that his lawyer advised him against any contact with straight edge kids or vegan kids. Since we didn't want to bail on the show, we wrote, Brook Aftermath would be filling in on vocals. Everyone bought it. We had e-mails from all over asking how Bill was and if we needed any help. We were good to go.

The show was an akward line-up. There were two indie bands, a gutter punk band and us. We sneak Bill in through the back door, and start to get everything set up. We tell the sound guy that we need two microphones, and he gives us two mics. Now, the way it was supposed to go down was like this: Bill gets a mic stands to the side of the stage and sings, while Brook jumps around and lip syncs, thus confusing anyone paying attention. Then at the end of the first song, we say "April Fools" and Bill sings the rest of the set. There was only one problem: The dumbass sound guy didn't turn on the second mic. So we start playing with no vocals, and Brook stands around looking like an idiot waiting for Bill to start singing.

Needless to say our joke fell flat. I was disappointed.

March 17, 2004 - Las Vegas, NV

We'd never played Vegas before, but Aftermath of a Trainwreck knew some dudes down there and said it would be good times. We figured what the hell, and drove down there.

There was one problem.

As we left SLC we realized that someone had taken all the tapes out of the van. I hadn't brought any with me, because they were still supposed to be in there. We had one tape to last us the 13 or so hours it would take to get down there and back. We took the two back seats out and loaded 7 people into the van. Clint, me, Nick, Bill, Chris G, Misty and Megan. It wasn't really that comfortable, but I rode shotgun so I was fine. Misty brought a Cosmo with her, I hijacked it and read the whole thing cover to cover and it kept me entertained. We pulled into Vegas and head for Vegi House and immediately  after that it's over to Ronald's Doughnuts.

For those of you that don't know, this is a place that specializes in vegan doughnuts. I'm pretty sure it's only because they ingridients are cheaper, but who cares? They're vegan. We load up on those and head out to the venue. Brook gives me directions, and we follow them.

"Turn left at the women's prison and head to the end of the road," is the one line that still sticks out to me all these years later.

At the end of the road is a junkyard, and I assume we've taken a wrong turn. Not so. Aftermath rolls up shortly after and we're let in the yard.

The junkyard guy tells us not to go near the fence that borders the prison, as the guards get angry and start yelling.

We hang out for a while and wait for the other bands to get there, find a nice little piece of wood, make it into a table and set up our merch. Once again, Chris Purkey couldn't come because he had to work. He was being a pussy, basically. "I can't go. I have to work to provide for my wife and two month old son." I would have told him to grow up, but I think that's just what he did. So Brook pretended to play bass for us again. Most of SLC showed up and we played a good set. It was fun, Aftermath was fun, Bloody Sunday and Shattered Realm were good and we didn't watch Folsom.

When the show was over, we started on our way home. I'm not sure why, but this was around the time that I started to be given the task of night driving. So we head on our way. About two hours into the drive, I get really sick of my gangster rap tape. I eject it and begin singing Misfits songs to myself to stay awake. I was the only one up and I was singing quietly. Or so I thought. When we got home, Nick told me that he wasn't all the way asleep and heard me singing for about an hour. I was a little embarassed. Either way, we dropped everyone off and I went home to take a nap. My other band had a show that night.

January 11, 2004 - Erie, PA Day 2

So after a day of music at one venue, we're told all the speakers will be held in another venue on the other side of town. Luckily they told us that the night before and we didn't drive all over town again the next day.

The speakers were very hit or miss. Some of them were good, and you could tell they do this for a living. Others sounded like they made up a speech in the car on the way over. There was no time limit, which was a good thing for the pros, but a bad thing for dipshits that rambled on and on for an hour about how eating roadkill was still technically vegan. At this point in the trip, I needed a little time off. It had been a hell of a week and I couldn't stand being in the back corner of a large room, not being able to see a damn thing. So I took off. I walked about a block and a half to the first Starbucks I could find, sat down and just relaxed for an hour or so. I made sure I was back in time for Rod Coronado. He was basically the only reason we didn't take off that morning and start our trek of a 35+ hour drive home. He was the last speaker and well worth the wait. He spoke for about an hour and made the second day worth seeing.

As soon as he was done, we piled in the van and started our long, long drive home. The highlight of which, was that we drove 45 minutes out of our way to hang out with Wayne at Fazolli's in Grand Island, Nebraska. He hooked us up with some sweet breadsticks.

We rolled in to SLC at about 5am Tuesday morning after leaving at 11 Sunday night. I climbed into bed for a quick nap, but had to be up soon. I had class at 10 am.

January 10, 2004 - Erie, PA

Possibly the most unorganized fest in history, and it's what we put up with all this shit to play at.

We wake up pretty early and head on our way. We've gotten directions to the venue, but don't really know how to find it. Doesn't matter though, as Tim of Gaia calls to tell us the show has been moved. 11am and the day is off to a good start. We get the new address and head for the van. It's maybe 15 degrees outside, but at least it wasn't snowing. We start on our way, and eventually find where we need to be. What else do we find? Cops. About four of them. They tell us the show has been moved and to leave. We ask where it's been moved to, and they tell us they don't know and walk away. We call Tim and ask what the deal is now, and he says that there is an old ballroom that the show has been moved to and gives us directions.

Apparently the police have been giving the promoter a hard time all week and this is his last resort for a venue, and it's about the 5th one. We pull up to what I think is an abandoned building, but no, it's the ballroom where the show is. Eight inches of snow cover the sidewalk all around, and a few of the windows are broken. We park the van in the parking lot across the street and head inside for a look. Imagine an abandoned warehouse that is only used for shitty raves every three or four months and you've got the idea of what it looks like. There are a few bands there and no one knows what's going on.

The promoter walks around like he's just about given up and just says "I don't know" whenever he's asked a question. Oh, there's no heat in the building either. Then the fire marshall shows up and declares the building unsafe for a show. So everyone starts working on how to get the place in working shape. Shoveling snow, fixing exit signs, etc... All the while, the promoter stands around looking like he's ready to go home and sleep.

After a good two hours of standing around and fixing things, the show finally starts. No one is really moving around because it's hard to get into a band when everyone is wearing giant coats, gloves and hats. As the day wears on people start getting into it, more people start showing up and it gets warm enough that a long sleeve shirt kept you warm. Until the sun went down, that is. Then it got cold as hell all over again. By the end of the day, we deemed the show a success and made a bunch of new European friends (Purification and Purified in Blood) and set off to find a hotel.

January 9, 2004 - Pittsburgh

It turns out that the only part of the hitch we need is the cheapest part. Our day is off to a good start, and we only have about two hours to go before we get to Pittsburgh. It's a short, uneventful ride. Good for listening to a little music and just haniging out. We roll in to Pittsburgh, with nothing to really do. We have about two hours before load in, so we just head into the first empty parking lot we can find. It's a joint lot between the Steelers and Pirates stadiums, so we just hang out and find out where the venue is.

Pittsburgh is an awesome city, but not built for a large van with a trailer. It was a pain in the ass to get around there, so we didn't get to do much hanging out. The venue was about 20 miles outside the city, so we went up that way hoping to find somewhere to eat. The promoter told us the name of the venue was "The House of Hardcore" and we'd see a sign as we drove up the road. We got all excited to be playing at an actual venue, at a real show and in front of more than 25 people. He told us to look for the sign, and if we hit the strip club we've gone too far. We saw the strip club, turned around and called him. He said to head back, and we were sure to see the sign. Sure enough, we got back down the road, and there was a kid putting a large piece of plywood out in front of a house that read, "The House of Hardcore." So, at this point in Cherem's tour career, we've played more house shows than actual venues. Fuck it. If kids are there, I'll play anywhere.

The show actually turns out really well. Lots of kids show up, they get into it and everything goes well. After the show, the promoter gives all the money to Undying, who turns around and gives us a cut of it. Everyone in that band is awesome and I think they felt bad after they heard our story of trying to make it to this god damn fest. Plus, Bill is kind of friends with them. He almost sang for them, but didn't want to move to North Carolina.

After the show, we decide to head up to Erie. It's only about three hours away, and we don't know what time the Fest starts or where it is or when we play, so we want to be ready early. So as we get going, it starts to get colder than it's been the entire trip. Brook drove and the defrost was barely working.

I stayed awake most of the drive, and as we rolled into Erie, Brook turned on the radio. The high for the next day was 11 degrees. It was 1 in the morning and I'd never been so cold in my life. A few of our friends had driven out from SLC for the Fest and had a hotel, so we were going to stay with them. We got in the room and it was one of the smallest rooms I'd ever seen. There were 11 of us, and we barely had room to lay down. Chris slept under the sink and I had to sleep in the bathroom.

But before that, Brook and I were so hungry that we had to eat. All I'd eaten that day was Subway, and it just didn't cut it. All of our food was in the trailer, and neither of us dared to venture out into the sub-zero temperature for a sandwich. So Brook paid Nick $5 to go get it for us. And it was totally worth it, once we thawed the frozen bread with the complimentary hair dryer.

January 8, 2004 - Somewhere

So we set off on our way to Pittsburgh, hoping that nothing goes wrong. Everything goes well, and we start to get a little uncomfortable. We got good news with the Undying show, but surely we can't be on a roll. At least that's what I thought. We stopped at a truck stop to gas up. I was bored with my music and couldn't listen to anything anymore, so I bought a book on tape. The Pleasre of My Company by Steve Martin. I was excited. I was in the very back seat of the van, stretched out in my sleeping bag with my headphones on and just relaxing.

Then I hear it.

BOOM!

Then from the front seat, Chris yelling, "Oh shit!" Everyone turns around and looks out the back window. I pull my headphones off and sit up. Right out the back window, the trailer hitch has broken and the trailer is being dragged behind us on the highway at 70 mph by a chain. Sparks are flying out everywhere. Chris doesn't know what to do, so he slows down and tries to pull over. As he slows down, the trailer comes flying towards the back of the van. I think to myself, "Oh fuck. This is going to be bad."

I could imagine it perfectly in that split second. Of everything that was running through my mind, the main thought was, "This trailer is going to hit us, break out both these windows and send shards of glass flying at my face. I am so fucked. I was so comfortable in the back with my tapes and my sleeping bag, now I am fucked."

Then the trailer hit us.

And nothing happened.

It dented the back doors. That was all. We pull over to the side of the road, and try to figure out what happened. It started to snow while we were on the side of the highway. The pin that holds the trailer to the hitch broke off somewhere, and that's what started this. Brook gets on the phone with AAA and tries to explain what happened. AAA doesn't care, because they don't cover trailers. That's U-Haul's department apparently. Brook hangs up, and we decide to fix it ourselves and just get to the nearest hotel. We'd fix it for real the next day. Someone finds a 6" bolt on the side of the road that works pretty well. We stick it in there and duct tape the fuck out of it, climb back in the van and drive 45 mph 5 miles to the next exit. We get off somewhere, find a hotel and stay the night there. Only about 2 hours away from Pittsburgh. Told you everything was going too well.

We did have a little fun in the hotel though, so that helped.

January 6, 2004 - Milwaukee, WI

The van is supposed to be finished first thing in the morning, but surprise, surprise, it isn't.

We head to Fazolli's for breakfast and kill time. We play in Milwaukee tonight with Wings of Scarlet and Tears of Gaia. It's a 10-11 hour drive there from GI, so we have to haul ass. The van is done at noon, we get back to the hotel throw everything in and take off.

Sias drives like a crazy man. 90 to 100 mph in a van with a trailer, weaving in and out of traffic, scaring the living hell out of me. After an hour, I couldn't take it anymore, put my headphones on and tried to sleep. Bill asked how I could sleep, he couldn't take his eyes off the road, because Sias was scaring him, too. Parker of Scarlet calls us to say he's delaying the show as long as possible, but it still has to start at about 8 pm (it was supposed to be 5). We roll in half an hour after the show ends, but people are still hanging out. We borrow Tears of Gaia's equipment again, and play for 20 people. We sell a few shirts and a cd or two and find out some awesome news...

The rest of our shows fell through. No shows until the TL fest on Saturday. 4 days away.

We hit up a pizza joint after the show, and Parker tells us we can stay at his house, so we head back there. Parker's house is the most cluttered place I have ever seen. Granted, I was in heaven because he had Star Wars toys everywhere, but it made it difficult to find a place for 8 of us to sleep. Bill and Chris shared a love seat and slept sitting down, I fucked up my back by trying to stretch out on another love seat and the rest of the dudes slept on the floor.

The next morning around 7 am, someone, I won't mention any names (Sias) used the bathroom and tried to flush the toilet. Tried is the operative word here, as the pipes were frozen and nothing happened. So we break the news to Parker when he wakes up at 11 and head out to eat. Tears of Gaia tell us that they e-mailed Undying to try and get on their Pittsburgh show friday night. We figure it's worth a shot and head to the library. We wander around Milwaukee for a while, in the bitter cold, and where do we end up? A record shop. We've covered my feelings on this before, so I'll skip to us walking back to Parker's house. I thought Grand Island was cold, but Milwaukee is colder than that, so we walked as quick as we could.

Parker's toilet still isn't fixed and the landlord can't get there until the next day, so he tells us that we can stay at the house we played at the night before. We figured that was a good idea, as she has more room and a working bathroom. She was also making vegan fried chicken that night so we should hurry over there. It's a regular party over there and we all have a wonderful meal. The girl that owned the house told us that she knew a guy from SLC once that she talked to all the time on the internet. She met him on Makeoutclub and at one point was going to move to SLC to be with him, but again, I won't mention any names (Nate Briscoe). As the night went on and we watched TV, the who's who of Milwaukee showed up. At one point, this guy dressed in drag walked in and pranced right upstairs. It was obviously a guy, but trying really hard to fool everyone. It didn't work. We asked what the deal was, and the girl told us how he tricked the guitar player from a band when he was drunk and ended up making out with him. She wouldn't tell us who it was, but I figured it out. A few months before, I was talking to someone and he was telling us how he got really drunk and made out with a dude. He wouldn't tell me where he was, but everything started falling in to place. I asked her if I was it was, oh fuck it, it was Scott of From Autumn to Ashes. She said yes, and we laughed and laughed. Then my phone rang and it was The girl from Undying. She had gotten us on the show in Pitts, and made our night. We had two days to get there and decided to leave in the morning, that way we would for sure have a enough time to get there. Because if we learned one thing on this trip, nothing is ever going to go as planned.